Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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