first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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