You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
