His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My bed smells like the plague
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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