So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
