Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
