clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
