Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
