all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
