I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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