You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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