Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My ATM looks so different sober.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
