DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
