on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
