The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
