Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
