i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
