Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
