I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
