Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
