Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick

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(443): View more from Maryland

There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.

Fav 37 1138 2379
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(901): View more from Tennessee

i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like

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(513): View more from Ohio

She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.

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(904): View more from Florida

I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..

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(779): View more from Illinois

Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us

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(504): View more from Louisiana

My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!

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(253): View more from Washington

You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.

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