PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
