Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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