I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
