For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I need a beard to bite.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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