someone threw a dead crab at me
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
