This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
