no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
