You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
