Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
