The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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