So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
