Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
