im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just had sex on a roof
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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