the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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