just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
