Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
