Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(970): View more from Colorado

i take joy in having bigger boobs than others

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(323): View more from California

I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year

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(406): View more from Montana

You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%

(405): View more from Oklahoma

And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.

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(936): View more from Texas

If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?

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