Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
