I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
