so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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