You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Randomize
