I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
