the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
