just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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