I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
