Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
