Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you didnt know i had herpes?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
