Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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