I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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