matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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